(this is the original title, but it sounded so heavy!)
MY HIGH SCHOOL AFFAIR (Up Close)
(another proposed title, but it sounded so illegal in so many ways!)
It’s not true that I am abandoning my blog site. Well, not yet! Hehehe!
(another proposed title, but it sounded so illegal in so many ways!)
It’s not true that I am abandoning my blog site. Well, not yet! Hehehe!
My apologies for being quiet for the past weeks, well, as much as I want to write something how bad the month of March was, I’d rather not talk or write about it. For me, I looked at it as one of the challenges in my life that i have to experience if I really want to have a brighter future and achieve my dreams. Don’t worry, I’ll share it soon, anyway.
Well, while I was mending in April, I know my natural “anti-bodies” wanted me to divert my thoughts…and they never failed to do it!
It’s a nice feeling (okay, more than nice is more appropriate…) it’s this feeling of having an inspiration, giving you a gush of emotions penetrated in your nerves. Okay, it’s ‘kilig’ the term used by teenagers when they are in puberty stage. That nervous feeling each time you see your crush. Well, nowadays, even before puberty, children as early as four years old know what “crush” means. Goodness Gracious! The only words I can exclaim being part of Generation X! Hahaha!
Going back to the topic of this new post, see, while I was mending the frustrations and flushing out the bad memories of March from my system, it is through this song that somehow diverted my lowest feelings to be up in the ground somehow. What’s good with what I feel is that, each time I hear this song, it brings lots of good moments in my life. The band who launched this is Never the Strangers.
The first time I heard this song was in a commercial by Close Up a toothpaste brand that is popular here in the Philippines and every year they have this ad campaign that is all about being “close” (or how to be close) to that someone special and of course part of that promotion is by using their toothpaste. It would be a good thing though, if you use the toothpaste and just by showing that sweetest and whitest smile and with a little wink, your crush would notice it and start walking to your direction. I know…how I wish, right?!
So, this year, they released this commercial and all I felt were the ‘kilig’ moments during my teenage years! Talk about high school thingies and the feeling of just being ‘in-love’ with your crush. Well, I know being ‘in-love’ as a term is big already, so, let’s just use ‘puppy love’ instead! Yes, I do believe I had that when I was in high school. I know I had more than just one ‘puppy’ during that time, and the one I became ‘close’ with was my greatest. (Shocks! I can’t believe I am admitting it now!)
It was the first day of school year during my first year high school, when I saw him sitting along the hallway of our building waiting for our first class to start. Gosh! He had that nice smile and cute eyes! (I know, very Ad material) Well, I don’t want to elaborate more of his physical qualities because his total package is already good (as for my taste, okay?). We didn’t become friends instantly. He pissed me off most of my days in first year and more during our sophomore year. During those times, I would chase him wherever he goes just to give him a punch. He teases me each time our paths would cross. He calls me names like “taba” (fat), “baboy” (pig) and would initiate to nominate me for muse during class elections. Well, I did the same to him, we were both chubby (of course, the baby fats! What else?!) so, I also nominated him as escort in the class. But the funny thing back then, was, my girl best friends voted for me (so I have 4 points including myself, plus his vote so, i had 5 votes), still, I didn't win the slot. It was obvious that it was really his intention that the whole class would laugh at me because of the result. Then, it was his turn, our classmates cast their votes for the escort position, guess what, he received a zero vote because I did not vote for him even if I was the one who nominated him. Bwahaha! Another evil laugh from me echoing the whole classroom. I saw his face and he was really mad at me, as in fuming hot! Well, I just continued laughing until the elected officers went in front of our class. That was another reason that he got mad at me for the nth time! Yes, I know, it’s sooo very high school! I was really enjoying seeing him with that grouchy look on his face. Hahaha! *evil laugh*
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| Rhea - one of my closest friends during second year high school, yup, the other vote came from her. We were seatmates with Virgs during that 'nomination' . My girl friends saved me from that shame! Rhea is now happily married and just gave birth to Kobe, the future MVP! She married her best friend who happened to be my classmate during third year highs school - Ysrael - who was also the high school crush of my good friend - Cherl (her photo appears below, too!) Sorry, Cherl, I know, I never should have mentioned it here, right?! Mwaah! |
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| Virgs - one of my best friends (until now) with her daughter Sophie. Yes, Virgs voted me for muse during our sophomore year in high school. That's what friends are for, right? |
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| Cherl - another bestfriend of mine since first year high school, she voted for me too! She's happily married to Honey Erick . They are an ideal couple. She's now 8 months pregnant and excited for their first baby! It's a boy! |
It was in our junior year when we became pen friends. I actually wrote a hate letter to him and really told him how I so much wanted to blow his face and that he really pisses me off and I also wrote that I know in my heart he’s not really that bad, I believed that he is a good, loving and thoughtful person. I really didn't care on the reactions I will get from him. What really mattered to me that time was to tell him how ill-mannered and conceited he was. So, the following day, surprisingly, I received a reply letter. He thanked me. He acknowledged his faults. He also wrote that he was happy knowing how straightforward I was in that letter, that I was the only person who had the guts to tell him those characters he possessed. He appreciated me. He mentioned in his letter that we can start anew, clean slate! And that was the beginning of our friendship. That letter from him was a mark that even mortal enemies like us can really be friends along the way. Although, when we were in school, we really don’t talk face to face, we remained to bully each other (this time the bad words are now subtle and you may call it like friendly-bullying. Hahaha!) but when we exchange letters we consume 3-4 pages maximum every other day or like three times a week average! We consulted each other’s opinions, shared the songs we like, his new crush, the poems I write , untold stories about our families.
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| This is his signature icon as he ends his letters. He is a Nirvana fan, actually. |
There was this one day, when I caught myself staring the letters he gave me. I know that those exchanges of letters rekindled the feeling I had the first time I saw him in the hallway when we were in first year. It was such a joy for a fifteen-year old me. In my heart, I tamed a beast! But, am i ready to wear my heart upon my sleeve? I just let these emotions be while trying to be the friend rather than to have the illusions or imaginations that he would like me too. I was nearing the cliff, I don't want to let myself fall so, I was moving backwards, one day at a time. Always be the friend!
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| ...and this is my signature icon in all the letters i sent him. |
Call it self-pity or lack of self-esteem (see I’m still in high school and that’s 90’s), but believe me, just reading his letters and opening his life, his soul (and) to me, gees, it was worth a thousand tons of envy for girls who go gaga over him. Yes, he is the ‘Crush ng Bayan’ he is adored by almost 90% of the school population; name it, gay and girls. (I told you, no need for me to elaborate his physique).
He courted girls in school, and I became one of the instruments each time he sends love letters to them, I even befriended those girls because of him. There was one time when the girl he courted became one of my closest friends in third year. (Don’t blame me, I chose to be the friend, right?) High school is definitely a whirlwind experience when it comes to emotions. In our senior year, I sang a song in a program that day and he asked me what the title was, I said, “Thanks to You” he said, “What?” I repeated, “Thanks to You” then he replied, “Ahh, Thanks to Me!” Well, I blushed and exclaimed, “Nyeh! Corny!” It was also that day when he told me that he liked me. (can’t blame me, those words retained in mind and heart, alright?!) He was committed to a 3rd year friend of mine that time. If I could just tell him right then and there that, I also liked him the first time I saw him during first year, first day, first class… but, I blew up that chance.
That was the first time we had that heart to heart talk, standing side by side. (Just imagine the scene of Jules & Michael in the movie, My Best Friend's Wedding. The lines of Michael, “...when you love someone, say it, say it right then, out loud, otherwise, the moment just passes you by.” That was actually the exact feeling I had, then! Argh!!! I so love and hate that movie, I was in 2nd year college and watched it twice in the movie house and rented a VHS! Hahaha!) Since, i can't get enough, here's the movie clip. :P
That was the first time we had that heart to heart talk, standing side by side. (Just imagine the scene of Jules & Michael in the movie, My Best Friend's Wedding. The lines of Michael, “...when you love someone, say it, say it right then, out loud, otherwise, the moment just passes you by.” That was actually the exact feeling I had, then! Argh!!! I so love and hate that movie, I was in 2nd year college and watched it twice in the movie house and rented a VHS! Hahaha!) Since, i can't get enough, here's the movie clip. :P
See, we were talking about those things that day, with what he feels, yes, we were talking and not reading each other’s letters. Call it the best EPIC MOMENT in my senior high school life! Waaah!!!
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| we could have done this that day.... i know, right! Hahaha! |
Now, I imagine that moment with him during 4th year high school--that was the conclusion of our own Close-Up commercial--OUR VERSION. (Please use your imagination here…) We were both smiling, giggling, talking, close up shot while staring each other side by side, then while the background song fades, cut-away shot, we are walking in the hallway of our school building, exiting the frame and he suddenly grabs my hand I’ll put my head over his shoulder (silhouette), then before the screen fades to black, the product is actually zooming in, the Close Up toothpaste product with the tag line: “Best years, get closer with Close Up!” (Yeah, right!)
Okay, that was just my own version of a “what-could-have-been” commercial from my own story board. Now, sharing to you this commercial video from a published commercial of the toothpaste brand. One of my favorites, actually.
Enjoy Life!
Be Inspired!
Create Great Moments!
(YOU now have the option to discontinue reading this part. I repeat, YOU can disregard this part, okay? This is getting mushier!)
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| in high school, this is how our letters were folded |
When we both entered college, I thought our communication would stop because we were enrolled in different universities. But, the happy moi continued to send him letters and he would reply and give it to our common friend, his school mate and one of my best friends – Cherl! I have this excitement that I really can’t hide each time I read his letters. We would share about the new hit song of Matchbox 20, recent concerts he attended or held in their school, the new album of Eraserheads, the vocalist of this new local band he saw or read and dozens of topics we try to squeeze in the three-paged letters we exchanged. From the “paddleton” stationery, plain yellow papers or bond papers with special margins made from mosquito repellents or better known as ‘katol’. Just imagine that the sides of the paper being burned evenly to create a margin. That was his way of being thoughtful through his 'personalized' and 'artistic' ways. There were times wherein I’ll do the same but my love for 'crafts' is incomparable from his. I am not really that patient burning and making the edges as straight as possible. So, i opted to use stationery or at least put stickers or stamp pads with different colors. Those days were the sweetest.
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| an example of his 'katol' made letter |
I hoped and prayed for those moments not to end. For me, the friendship with him even if those letters were our only communication and bonding medium, it was one of the highlights of my growing up years. I knew that was love. Hahaha! (I really don’t want to sound so serious here, spare me!)
I recall during second year college, he had this girlfriend named Greta. They both went to our house and he introduced me as his best friend. (yeah, right!) So, that girl and this girl writing this story became somehow ‘close’ friends after that meet up. Greta even went to my dad’s birthday celebration (without her boyfriend, ah?!) and she was really at ease in the house, assisting the visitors, etc. Gosh, if I had a cellular phone that time, I could’ve messaged her boyfriend and tell him to fetch his girlfriend. That was totally an insane experience. I kept on explaining to my relatives that she's just like that, even if i barely knew her. See, we met only once! Anyway, the remarkable part was actually the time that he wanted a break up. Well, since we were the best of friends, I did it. He doesn’t know how to break up with her because the girl (who’s actually younger than us) was such a sweet lad. He feels guilty because there was no clear reason why he wanted to call it quits. Although for him, she was a little possessive and childish. Since he really cannot face her and tell her the bad news, I did it myself. It was my first break up with a girl.
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| 'I am a Dalagang Filipina!' that's what I answered when he asked me why he (still) needed to court me. |
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| He loved my moist chocolate cake! |
Up to now, I always think of him each time I sing this song in videoke. There’s always a pinch in my chest each time I hear this song. Intro pa lang! Again, my salvation song.
He then worked in a food-chain when he was in 4th year college. That December 26, year 2000, he gave me this ‘bagoong’ (shrimp paste) from Chowking (they don't sell it in bottles anymore) and a bar of Baby Ruth. I didn't like that chocolate! Ooops, I rephrase, that chocolate is my least favorite, but because it came from him, oh, well, it was the most special chocolate I have ever received and tasted. Classic chocolate! Our exchanges of letters lessened because he was a working-student and I was busy with my thesis. Each time I see or eat this Baby Ruth bar, no, I don't cry, I smile and think of him. :P
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| the chocolate that (once) captured my heart! |
I attended his graduation, it was 2001. What I heard that time, he has a girlfriend. Slim. Okay! I saw the girl, short-haired, average beauty and super slim, not sexy. I just congratulated him and then went to Cherl’s celebration after. I invited him to attend my graduation party in the house the day after my graduation (a month after his graduation) that was May. I already have my cellphone and messaged him that I hoped he could come, he said he will try. He surprised me. He came. He was already working then in Cavite (he was regularized or absorbed by the company since he did his on-the-job-training there, in that computer software company) and he just passed by the house to congratulate me. He told me that he broke up with his girlfriend (the one I saw, the slim girl) because he can’t stand the drinking habit. He said, “mas malakas pa sa akin uminom ng beer!” and then we laughed. There were silent moments during that talk. I don't want to assume that he also felt awkward because there were uneasy moments during our conversation, i don't know why. (Maybe I was analyzing my feelings and at the same time overwhelmed because he came to see me even just for an hour). I asked him if he consider his work in Cavite as a permanent job, he said yes. So, I thought that it would be a long shot communication and friendship again. He also shared that he was being teased to one of his office mates there. He said that the girl is 'OK'. I said, 'OK!' and those were the last conversations we had face to face.
I learned later on that he married that girl, his office mate. That happened in less than a year, I guess. From what I know, they married a day after his birthday that year. Yes, my heart was crushed and doomed. No more moist chocolate cake existed since 2001. Thank God, I was already working in an Advertising Agency then and it really kept me busy. I really, really wanted to do the scenes in “My Bestfriend’s Wedding” the part where Jules (Julia Roberts) were sabotaging and ruining the planned wedding. Well, just like in the movie, she failed. I failed. And there I was, nursing my heart for about a year or two. (hahaha!)
I learned later on that he married that girl, his office mate. That happened in less than a year, I guess. From what I know, they married a day after his birthday that year. Yes, my heart was crushed and doomed. No more moist chocolate cake existed since 2001. Thank God, I was already working in an Advertising Agency then and it really kept me busy. I really, really wanted to do the scenes in “My Bestfriend’s Wedding” the part where Jules (Julia Roberts) were sabotaging and ruining the planned wedding. Well, just like in the movie, she failed. I failed. And there I was, nursing my heart for about a year or two. (hahaha!)
Recently, our high school batch had a reunion; I wasn’t able to attend because of another out of town celebration by my FAB Group (that’s another story!). I saw the pictures in Facebook, he wasn’t there. He didn’t attend the grandest get-together (as they claim in the photos and comments). Definitely, he is engulfed in his world again, but this time, as a family man. Way far better from the high school kid who wanted to commit suicide and talked nothing but death and hell. Yes, he was that man before (then I came into his life through letters). In one of the letters he sent me during third year high school, there were lines from a song. He wrote there that it was one of his favorites and that he wanted to share it with me. So, here's that song. Tell me, how can I not love that romantic person in him? I admit, I tried to be that 'Somebody' for him, I am not just sure if he noticed that. (or maybe I really didn't try harder. gosh!)
I haven't met his wife in person. I just spoke to her over the phone (that was before their wedding) and she knew that I was his husband's best friend (whoah!). Her name also starts with letter G. He said, his wife is a jealous type. So, as his so called best friend, I distanced myself and let go. We exchanged emails for quite a time before and after he got married. We are now friends in Facebook (after Friendster). I never failed greeting him during birthdays, Christmas and New Year. I hope one day I will be able to get at least one greeting from him. It would definitely be a headline! Each time I browse his Facebook account, I can tell that he is really happy now. A good family of his own, cute daughters and I can tell from the photo that he met a loving wife.
Just recently, he finished a course (not sure if it's a computer engineering course) through the company’s program (yes, the one in Cavite). He achieved his dreams. He fulfilled his goals. He still surprises me until now through those achievements. If there is one person (OK, another person) who is happy for what he is now, I can say I am that person or that second person, okay, the third person next to his mother and wife.
Going back to Jules, (again, from my all time favorite movie!) who said goodbye to his best friend Michael and to their friendship and that 'affair' that brought them together. How she cried dedicating their theme song to the newly-wed couple, is like letting go a piece of her heart, a quarter of her soul. This scene never failed to well-up my eyes. A heart-crushing moment for best friends. An instant heart-breaker.
I never asked him the questions my heart longed for answers. Not because it was too late but because I know those were unnecessary to ask. Or maybe I was not prepared (again) but this time, with his answers. For sure the odds are not in my favor anymore. It was enough that at some point in our lives, we both felt the same way for each other. We both know that our story will forever exist in our high school bag of memories. I shed tears, burst lots of laughter and been through a roller coaster of emotions during our friendship. It was him (in our relationship) who made me believe that friendship and love co-exist. That you can unconditionally love a bashful friend. And even if there were no official strings (or even if we did not reach that part of having one), there is this invincible and invisible bond that pulled us together the first time we met in high school. I hope one day, we will rekindle that friendship.
He will always be my B-Cebu, my Huling El Bimbo!
(B-Cebu and El Bimbo were one of my secret codes for him during high school concealing his identity and my special feelings for him; I don't know if he had an idea that he was B-Cebu considering the garrulous gay friends in our circle. Well, he really should be proud that he was my forever crush, my first guy best friend!)
He will always be my B-Cebu, my Huling El Bimbo!
(B-Cebu and El Bimbo were one of my secret codes for him during high school concealing his identity and my special feelings for him; I don't know if he had an idea that he was B-Cebu considering the garrulous gay friends in our circle. Well, he really should be proud that he was my forever crush, my first guy best friend!)
'Because once upon a time, we were best friends. And, yes, there's been a lot of bad stuff in between. But none of that matters right now, okay? You need me, I'm there. Any time, any place, anywhere.' - Dawson's Creek
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| the cute baby face! |
As much as I want to keep his privacy,
i just want the whole world to see how he looked like.
The "Crush ng Bayan!"
My Bashful Best Friend!
My B-Cebu!
Tidbits: Share your 'kilig' moments once in a while. Pardon me for 'over' sharing mine.
