YAKAP

This song has been playing for the nth time now.  I can't get over it so i posted it here...hahaha!!

Enjoy!!!

While listening to this, layers of memories resurfaced...and yes, i am in the mood again to keep calm and recharge.

Life is GOOD!


YAKAP LYRICS

Ako ay nagbalik, sa init ng iyong yakap
Parang ibong sabik sa isang pugad

Nadanas kong lungkot, nang kita'y aking iwan
Na di pa dinanas ng sinuman

Ako ay nagbalik, at muli kang nasilayan
Hindi na 'ko muli pang lilisan
Dahil kung ikaw ang yakap ko, 
Parang yakap ko ang langit
At yakap ko pati ang 'yong ngiti.

Init ng 'yong halik, wala ng kasing init
Yakap pa rin nito yaring init

Ako ay nagbalik, at muli kang nasilayan
Hindi na 'ko muli pang lilisan
Dahil kung ikaw ang yakap ko, 
Parang yakap ko ang langit
At yakap ko pati ang 'yong ngiti.

Ooohhh... 

At muli kang nasilayan
Hindi na 'ko muli pang lilisan
Dahil kung ikaw ang yakap ko, 
Parang yakap ko ang langit
At yakap ko pati ang 'yong ngiti
Ang 'yong ngiti

Ooohhh... 

Yakap ko...

Journey

Being who you are doesn't have to be that big deal in dealing with others.  Because you are unique in your own way.

Yes, it makes you unique because you have these values that are not so quite different with your other friends, but you know what makes sense, it’s how you deal with that uniqueness and somehow making it work with others.  

Yes, sometimes you have to compromise, but there are certain things that you shouldn't forget. Those are the values, the goodness of your heart, the core of your being, or let’s say, the core of your heart, what's inside there, have you ever asked, what's your heart's default shade?  Are you submerged with uncertainties and shadow that hinder your strength of opening it again or at least making its heartbeat normal again after a lot of shocks that it experienced?

Life is full of uncertainties and the only thing to face it is to remain certain!

Those are just random thoughts swirling in my head (and heart) right now.

I know, there are things better left unsaid or unwritten, but we all need a breather! I am sooo much willing to take that time to smell the flowers again, continue what I've forgotten to consider through the years because I was so busy searching for what makes my life meaningful, but after a big hump that I took and crashed to it big time, here I am again because life is giving me another chance to continue what I started...and this time, a little wiser, sensitive and embracing it more seriously.

Though there may be some people, experiences, mistakes, wrong decisions, complications, compromises, etc. that I have to let go as I take these bolder steps, I have put in mind that they were really part of growing up, it's just that,when reality hits you, you have to face excruciating truth that not all the people who were there with you when you started that journey will remain by your side.  You have to leave them where they're supposed to be in that certain place, at that specific chapter (or stop over).  It wasn't really easy.  You have to face it head on and hey, you can't stuck in that place forever, that's why you forego, you move on.

...continuing the journey and this time I know I am equipped with
who I need because I am with people who are willing to take this road selflessly.

Yes, I am living in a brand new chapter of my so-called journey and I've decided to enjoy every minute of taking the little steps, the bolder moves just to survive and to be with these people (and sticking with them until we passed that bent and soon decide what comes next when we reach the crossroads).  Right now, I know who are these people willing to hit that road with me and relish life!

Ce'st La-vie!


Tidbits:

Actually, they were with me all along, I wasn't just sane enough to see their importance .  I am whole again and this time, I am better because I am with better company of friends, nurtured with the rekindled love of my family and took my faith  to the next level.  

STIRRED

When hate and anger stir in your blood, you just want to flush it all out.  But how?  Is there a tool invented by the doctors or psychologists so it will be easier for us humans to do it?  Because I want it badly…so badly that I just want to submerge into these negative feelings so I can come out clean and I want it now.

But I can’t rush it.  My veins might pop any moment because of rage and fury.  These elements destroy my inner-self and irritate my mind.  And I lose again, all over again.

I find it hard to get through once again.  It feels like everything around me is blur and flaming red.  My blood pressure hits the red meter instantly each time I remember the things happened for the past two weeks.  Yes, I am also weak and I acknowledge that, but I am also wiser now that I just want to let it all end.

This holy week, I confess the sins I've committed.  I am not perfect, well, who is perfect anyway?  I've been through a lot of obstacles in the past decades of my life and  now is a living proof that HE never gives up on me.  I always feel his presence each time I am into a bad situation.  My family encountered lots and lots of struggles, still, HIS guiding light never flicker.  Even if my folks are away and I am alone here in the house, I know his loving arms keep me safe. 

Photo taken at Burot Beach Calatagan, Batangas in one of our Camera Club's Photo Walks.
Yup, that's moi in this silhouette shot!

I thank you Dear Father for giving me the love that keeps me going each day.  That love you divided through the family and friends that I have in my life.  I couldn't ask for more but I just want to thank you.  Whatever plans you have for me, I will gladly accept it.  May you shower your graces to us and keep us all protected.

May these negative vibes be flushed out from me.  You know that I am into these tiny steps of picking up the pieces of myself. 

In YOUR time, I will get there. 

W-hole HeartedLy

two of my all-time fave sweets.
 these came from my musketeer last January! (my boss)

If I have to choose between flowers and chocolates, uhhmm…of course, I will opt to have the chocolates, but the thing that makes my heart melt will always be flowers.

With the ever-popular occasion held last February 14, I can’t help but feel a little giddy.  Well, not because I am expecting anything to receive that day since, I am so sure, there’s none, but because of that feeling when you receive nothing and every girl you see or meet is either holding a bouquet or a long-stemmed rose or just with a partner walking holding hands.  Yes, that was the feeling I am anticipating that day.

this bouquet of roses came from my boss, too.
since the flower shop delivered the day after v-day,
they gave an extra one! lucky me!

See, I’ve never really prepared anything on Valentine’s Day, except for some program in the office wherein I have to do it yearly, like putting the pouches or envelopes for the whole population in our division and give chance to those unspoken feelings of my fellow colleagues and put notes or sweet nothings intended for their special someone. 

here's my signature icon

Well, that morning of Heart’s Day, I felt this urgency to give a piece of myself, that’s why I gathered some materials and utilized my ‘artistic’ side to prepare something for my beloved friends. Hehe!  Since I have a box of ferrero chocolates at home, I brought it at work and do some ‘packaging’ for my friends.

the date I shared a small part of me
to my friends

I wrote a personal note in each piece with a match of ‘rock’ which I really wanted to give ages ago and hand each piece to my friends.  Because I became busy with work and pre-occupied with everything, those rocks were just kept inside my pedestal cabinet (yes, those were there for about 3 or 4 years now).


Since February 14 is a good date, I thought that was the best time to give those mementos and make them feel special.

yes, these gold-coated chocolates
are for my friends!

While I was distributing the souvenirs, I can’t help but get teary-eyed.  My heart was crying for it was a part of me I was giving.  I can’t thank them enough and show how grateful I am for being a part of their lives.

the finished product! :)

Lots of things flash backed to me.  I remember vividly, how each of them gave their time to hear my stories, how lost I was in this world, how helpless I felt in the process of letting go and gradually accepting things in stride.  See, I’ve always been an optimistic person, but when life hits you on how it could be that cruel, you lose a part of yourself.

Your beliefs are tested and your trust in the goodness of mankind and on how good natured a person can be, it will all go down the drain and suck you until you can’t stand and hold on to nothingness and everywhere you look, the only thing you see is yourself that you want to scream but you can’t because you think it’s useless--pointless.

with my FAB CORE: Kate, Myurkee, Annie & Myk

Until such time, you can’t do anything but just give in so you could tell yourself that after all these blizzards of emotions swirling around you, everything will be over and everything will be better.  And you will learn to position yourself again and walk bolder steps, restart or detour your life.  And you wanted it badly to happen all at once, but as what my Best Virgs told me, let time works it magic.

My Best Virgs!

With that last paragraph, if you will ask me if I felt those storms of sentiments, YES… I felt that.  I’ve been through that.  At first, it was never easy.  I really didn’t think about it first, that I shut down myself from the world.  I couldn’t believe it too, it was surreal.  Well, just for you to have a clearer picture of what I am writing here, imagine those things you’ve been doing everyday for the past months (I really couldn’t recall how long it was, if I will compute the months or the years, instead) and you’ve been doing the things with your so-called best friends whom you really trusted a lot.  The person you always want to share the things with first, tell your secrets, how your life has been going everyday with your family, other friends, work, love life, your crushes, plans, future, name it…as in like name it, everything under the sun, under the moon, above the sea, highest floor of the building, under the tree, across the bridge, inside the car, inside the plane, whew, I can’t elaborate it more.

Our Black Mojito Night held last January
with Jobelle & Miggy's place - AWESOME!!!

my new discovery! belgian chips
from Amiga Mel & Papa Brian
these became my comfort food last January

For sure anyone who is reading this would know what I am trying to establish here.  With those given scenarios, in an instant, they were all gone.  Or let’s say, on my part, there’s no reason (as of this writing) that I could go back to that kind of set-up.  You will be left with oblivion.  That nothingness that succumbs to your core that it hurts big time that you thought was endless. 

I’ve been in that state for several weeks, so imagine how a normal person has to deal with that every day in everything that you do and everywhere that you look around, you see yourself hurting…it was immeasurable.  As they say, healing is a process and I couldn’t agree more.  So, with each phase of healing I wanted to embrace it, fiber by fiber until it strengthens my core again.  Sounds complicated, but if I could just describe figuratively what the feeling was, you will be surprised.  It’s like picking up the pieces of you from different places of diverse instances, circumstances in complex multitudes of yourself through other individuals (like your friends) and through spiritual relationship with your God.  You have no other way but to talk to Him and let it all out.  It is so relieving like a breath of fresh air and alights a ton in your heart--- awe-inspiring!

with my college barkada--SapukLot. from left: Mia, Pichie, Abi, Cha, Ting and Arlene;
we had a get-together last January for the 1st birthday of Ting's daughter (my inaanak).  

Whew!  This is actually the first time that I am describing what I have been like for the past six weeks or so, through writing.  As much as I want to detail every thread of emotion I have or had, for sure every reader (if there is one) of this post will close this window right at this moment.  So, I won’t do that, okay?  Let me just stop in this paragraph, right at this sentence.  Period.

dinner with 'Peaches' sometime in January
from left: Carol, Tey & Agnes

another meet-up dinner with 'Peaches'
and this time with Joanna (middle),
my first bestfriend ever!

You may ask why and what is the sense of me telling all these relating the celebration of Heart’s Day?  Simply because, if not for the friends I have right now in my life, whom I’ve been talking to most of those pitiful moments, my heart won’t be whole again.  That soul-destroying state wherein I couldn’t barely talk nor utter a word because of that heart-wrenching status of myself, that in any second, I could just feel the tears hurrying to meet my cheeks.  I was dying.  Imagine that, I was dying every single day.

That is the reason why I gave those keepsakes to my FAB friends.  To remind them how thankful I am to have them in my life.  I could say, I survived all those kinds of aches--emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, because of THEM.  They made me feel that what is important right now is the love they are sharing with me, the love they are giving to me unconditionally.  They are big components why my heart is gradually in the process of being whole again. 

Every day, they assure me that I have a hand to hold, actually, hands that are willing to give me a grip if I feel like giving up each time I strive and stand; literally, their shoulders to support me when I just want to rest from the crying and sobbing each time I remember how stupid I was.  The moral support they emanate naturally, they are so generous when it comes to that. See, they will always tell me the right words to say.  I mean, they are honest enough to tell it straight to my face that it’s enough.  They are straightforward when it comes to the real thing and I sincerely appreciate it.  I guess, that’s how friendship our works and it should always come with honesty.

At the end of these all, if not for my friends (yes, ALL of them who came, left and stayed in my life), I won’t be writing a pathetic story right now.  As I always say, you should always go back to your core.  This core I am pertaining to is that spot in your heart where basic things matter; love for your family, friends and God.  When all these 'basics' mixed in you, it is easier to love yourself more.  When you are surrounded by the people who loves you, there's no reason why you can't love yourself more.  Believe Me!  It is soooo DAMN TRUE!  God works unexpectedly that He paved way for my recovery--that is to be with the right people this time.

Let me end this by an article I've read recently and with my recent life-changing experience, I was speechless after reading it. Here's to acknowledge the author and his good words Ryan O' Connell!

Breaking Up With A Friend Is Harder Than Breaking Up With A Significant Other

You expect someone to break your heart. It’s understood that the person you love might one day wake up and decide they don’t love you anymore. It’s painful, yes, and you will feel like dying and you will feel like crying all of the tears but it’s a fact of life. It’s almost necessary. If you haven’t had your heart broken yet, it’s like you don’t know all there is to know yet. BRING ON THE HEARTBREAK, BABY. I want to understand.

Something you don’t expect, though, is a very important and valuable friendship coming to an end. I mean, on a basic level, you get that friendships fade and people outgrow each other but it’s sort of like getting in a drunk driving accident or having someone close to you die: it’s something you hear about all the time but you never expect it to happen to you.

This is the reason why the dissolution of a friendship can often be harder than the dissolution of a romantic relationship. In a way, it just feels more personal. Like a betrayal. People fall out of love with each other for a variety of reasons, many of which often have nothing to do with you. We know our hearts are fickle. We know that what we want today may be different than from what we want tomorrow. Best friends, however, are supposed to be the loophole. Jobs, boyfriends: those can be temporary, but best friendships are expected to transcend all of that. In a time of constant change, they’re there to remind you of the familiar.

I’ve gone through a breakup where I lost my fucking mind and did all of the crazy things you’re not supposed to do but can’t control anyway. It was awful and I thought I would never feel normal again, even though people said I would, and they eventually were right. I did feel normal again and now I can’t even access a sliver of the pain I once felt, even if I try real hard.

But a few years ago, I had a falling out with my very best friend, my number one, my life partner, and that’s pain that I can still readily access. That’s pain that never went completely away. Because I still think sometimes, “You should be here with me. I should be able to call you with this news or send you this funny YouTube video. You weren’t supposed to go away. You were supposed to survive it all.”

I don’t know, I just never felt that way about an ex. I kind of always understood the risk involved with giving someone your heart. So, although devastating, I wasn’t exactly shocked to the core when things ended.

With the loss of best friends, part of me still feels shocked because it seems like such an attack on who I am. The idea that someone could no longer want to be in my life, even though we’ve never loved each other in a romantic way, hurts. Isn’t sex the reason why things become alive and then sometimes die? I thought platonic friendships were somehow immune to strife. This was stupid wishful thinking, on my part, and now I know that it is distinctly possible for someone to no longer like who you are as a person. They don’t care about what you look like naked or if you have a wandering eye or if you can bring them breakfast in bed. They just care about your brain and whether or not awesome things can come out of it. When the friendship is over, you get the message: I DON’T LIKE WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.

I understand that it’s more complicated than that. Like a relationship, friendships end for myriad reasons. Still, I can’t help but ignore the logic and feel the purest level of rejection.  <end>

..and to really END this, let me share to you the photos of me and my precious friends as evidences that I am really doing well and have started anew. Good Riddance!

taken last January 3, from left: Kate, Patty, Annie and Myurkee

taken last Janaury 4, my FAB O' Hana with Icy (holding the bottle)

taken last January 7 in celebration of Jeam's birthday (right) 
while we fetched  Mayleen (left) from The Fort.

one of the rare occasions where Mel (Amiga) and Papa Brian (middle) are present

a surprise limousine ride from Myurk's husband, Chris last Valentine's Day;
from left: Kate, Myurkee Gemma & Patty

we (the single girls) celebrated Heart's Day with the lovebirds: Chris & Myurkee

with our original boss, Ms. Bernie giving her a group hug for her last day!

FAB went to witness the Hot Air Balloon Festival 2013 in Clark, Pampanga.
We also welcomed Trina and Agnes as new members of  our group, FAB O' Hana!

one of my coffee talks with these four good souls: Myk, Helene, Jeam and Rodel.

after our movie date? of course, DINE & UNWIND!

one of OUR Laugh Out Loud (LOL) MOMENTS in PATIO

This is how our normal lunch goes everyday!

my SKYPE moment with BFFY Leroy!

my Limousine Ride with Goumie Kate!

with my current boss GCG who I fondly call, Musketeer! while she calls me 'Petite', oh, well...

this is my college friend-Gelo!  I call him "My Prince" from the book we read,
The Little Prince and he was my inspiration for the book review in college.
I miss reading that book. It was all about friendship, too!

these are my my B-Friends--my Beki-Friends! I always felt that I am one of them...a true-bloof beki! hahaha!!!

this is my former boss, JPD.  I call him "angel at my back" why, because he is!  
He will always tell the right words and I appreciate it a lot! He spoils me every time! Hehehe!
this pic was taken during my visit to him in Alabang last December of 2012.

This Side Now

For days now, this song have been stuck in  my playlist, uhmm, well, I really don't have a playlist because this is the only song I put in my player. Haha!

If you could feel the harmony, the tempo and how it was played altogether, the soul that this song endures , it really clicked my taste!  She's the original singer of this song.  I hope you will enjoy this.  Feel it with your heart! XOXO!

BOTH SIDES, NOW
Joni Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From WIN and LOSE and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

Ride with ME

Christmas-inspired nail polish! 

January 29-30, 2013

I had a long day today.  I ran errands for my Dubai friends and bought their requests--make-up, polvoron, brownies, mittens, medicines and vitamins in Megamall.  After almost an hour of shopping and walking, I went straight to Makati and had my long overdue foot spa, pedicure and manicure.  Holidays weren’t over for me; since the weather still feels like Christmas season, I risked choosing the ‘silver’ color for my nails!  I appreciated the color so much that I let my friend took a photo of my groomed nails.  Thanks, Jeam! (and I just decided on my way home to groom my dogs tomorrow, clean the house and have a make-over here in ‘my’ condo-solo!)  Geesh! Three hundred fifty peso-worth of ‘spa’ indulged in one day! Not bad.

Tea before the movie.  It's Mayleen & Annie
(Bihon & Chum)

After the ‘salon’ moment, it was time to relax a little more with my friends.  The meet up in the ‘kalye’ with Mayleen (along Makati Medical Center after her derma-appointment, I just texted her to walk along the back streets of the hospital and I’ll see her there-somewhere) meet Annie (from her overtime in the office) and then watched Hansel and Gretel in Glorietta 4.  Well, that movie house is not really my favorite.  Aside from being crowded, (for me) it’s like a food-court because you could really smell all types of food while watching the movie.  Pizza, French fries, onions, chicken, hotdogs, gosh, more of really a food court movie house for me! Hahaha!  I could really die laughing with what transpired before and after our movie date.  

Annie and her photo-opportunity.
3.5 out of 5 pop-corns for this film!

Yes, laugh trip with Annie and Mayleen (and of course with Kate and the rest of my core group) is always to the fullest!  Before the movie started, we took photos outside the cinema and we had that courage and thick faces to have pictures with the movie ads/banners.  It was hilarious!  I could really collapse laughing out loud.

While we were watching the film, of course having me as a buddy is really a humiliation (yes, I admit that!) because I really hate it when I get scared or surprised in a scene due to my screech and out of nowhere squeals!  I know that my companions get embarrass when I do that, so am I?  Try to visualize it when the movie ended and the people who want to see that ‘girl’ who wailed at an out of nowhere scene in the movie, voila-it was me!!! Hahaha!  And I felt that because some guys were looking at me! Gosh!  Anyway, after the movie, Mayleen (whom I fondly calls ‘Bihon’ – long story, why I named her that) read in twitter that there was a commotion in Megamall that afternoon or early evening.  Then, I saw this girl holding the ‘SM’ plastic bag who looked so disturbed and kept on talking with another girl that I assumed was talking about that incident, so I told Annie to eavesdrop, but you know that blocking wherein she was so obvious that she was inches away and in an instant she was there, gosh, we laughed so hard!  In short, we were having fun and for me, that was one of my unforgettable movie dates with them.  How can you not be so thankful with these souls who just laugh and share good moments with you?  Amazing, isn’t it?

Mayleen and her moment! LOL!

She seemed happy in this picture with Gosling!

One of my shameful moments in public!

When we were parting ways, I received a text message from Jeam and wanted to have coffee with me in Cubao.  I assumed he wanted a serious talk, so I went to see him.  I decided to take the MRT going to Cubao from Ayala Station.  It was a good experience, though.  It was my first time to ride our very own MRT this 2013.  That feeling of riding it like the first time was a totally ‘awesome’ experience, knowing that I am a fan of taxi cabs (here and wherever I go!).      I have to read the signs where to pay, the exact fare window, how I transfer to the other side that shows the direction: ‘North bound’ and how to squeeze in the swarms of commuters despite the spaces in the middle of each cabin train.  I held one of the bars inside with two hands and balanced myself before it launched going to my destination.  In short, I enjoyed that ride.  For me, it’s better to feel stupid in other country’s trains but being naïve here in your country is definitely unacceptable.  Because I know, every single commuter in Manila have already tried and still, patronizing this super traffic-free means of transportation.  It was just a 15-minute ride or less if I’m not mistaken.  As I unload in Cubao station, I was smiling when I turned around realizing I was walking in the wrong direction.  I was so confident that I was picturing the place or direction I have to go to, like I have to exit the station and enter the Gateway Mall connecting to Araneta Coliseum, etc.  oh, well, I made it to the right destination, anyway.  I know, some would really find this amusing or funny, but, well, experiencing these simple adventures and trying out things alone (yes, by myself) it feels like jumping and crossing big humps in your life.  Maybe, some would feel that ride was just an ordinary ride; for others, it might just be like conquering a simple thing (having that MRT ride), but for me, it was more of a leap of faith. 

See, I wanted to believe I was that adventurous.  I could say I've tried new things like travelling to different places and trying out odd quests.  (I will just enumerate them in my future posts, okay?!)  Yes, I was that thirsty for expedition and I wanted those badly because I am not getting any younger.  But, as I dig deeper on what are the reasons behind all these, it just hit me now, that I do want to experience adventures because of my friends, with their company, their presence--they are the main reason why I unlocked the ‘adventurer’ in me and conquer the fears.  And during those how-many-years-ago-and-still-counting travelling with them (My FAB friends-and I have a pending post dedicated to them), I get to know myself little by little.  Each travel we took, every path we crossed, the beaches we swam, the food we shared and divided for everyone, the consequences we met because of our foolishness and childishness all at the same time, well, name it, or simply say or quote that, in each place we traveled, the laughter from our hearts echoes in every road we passed. We all get by because of the common thing we have and that is the tie that bonds us, that through thick and thin, we’ll always be together travelling, conquering, wherever our feet will take us.

With my Friend-JEAM! My coffee-addict-buddy!

Going back to my MRT ride, I realized some things about myself; on how I look upon those adventures I shared with them.  I was surprised, that despite the many adventures with friends and me being 'independent', I haven’t tasted what a real adventure is.  I recognized that little void and shame in me.  What the hell am I doing here in MRT? Alone? See, while I was holding that steel bar or pole inside the train, I was nervous because I might fall anytime.  I was scared that there might be a commotion due to hold-up or engine failure of the train, so when I arrived in my destination, I was relieved.  And now that I am writing about this experience of mine, it means, there was something I want to point out with that ride.

Yes, I wasn’t that adventurous at all.  That the happiness and fulfillment I wanted to achieve were dependent to my friends.  I am facing each journey and adventure because I know I will be with them and that we will all be together in each trek.  I realized, I really have to be alone before I completely 'accomplish' that sense of ‘adventure’ in life.  With my experience being 'alone' - I was able to smell the flowers (or the people all around me), see the colors of stores and billboards, hear the breathing of each commuter, the song from the guy’s headphones behind me, eavesdrop from that group of teenagers across me because they were really giggling like, whatever. I was able to have that chance-to experience the fondness in simple things in life, AGAIN! 

Even if that ride was just for fifteen minutes, each minute for me was priceless.  I get to feel what it is like to be with strangers, with people you don’t even know.  I was so conscious that I might look like a first-timer in that train, but I didn't care because I know they don’t know me  and even if they will just judge me based on how I looked so odd that night, they'll never know what was inside my heart during that emblazoning ride.  What matters to me most, was that feeling of picking up the pieces of myself and that I am starting anew when I really wanted was to give up and stop.  That alone-ride moment made me realized that I should trust myself more, I should appreciate what has life made me through these years, that there are decisions or circumstances that I may not be in favor of, but that shouldn't stop me for being who I am.  That, I should still go back to my core; what’s inside my heart, what my soul longs for, what my mind wants to conceive, these are the elements in my life that I want to take a second look again, to refurbish my being, save myself from the corrosion that infects each of these elements.  I want to be whole again.  And if being alone and by myself would help, no second thoughts to ride MRT again in the next coming weekends of 2013 and maybe in the next years to come.

Another chapter in my life is unfolding.  I am still (and will forever be) a work in progress.  I am beginning to embrace a serious kind of ride (or I have started it, I know).  Right now, I am into a more challenging adventure…and this time, I am willing to discover it with ME.

Cheers!

P.S.

Yes, I had a great coffee-talk with Jeam, we lasted for four hours and I walked him home.  It was indeed a loooong day!  Worth it!

What Happened?

I don’t really feel like writing right now.  But I think I’ve abandoned this for a long time that I feel guilty of not writing anything at all.  Right now, random thoughts are still there.  Swirling, waiting for a second to stop so I know which thought comes first so I can give it enough thinking.

I felt betrayed.  How many times have you been betrayed in your life?  I felt that many times, but there will always be that one moment wherein you never imagined will happen to you and will be done by those so-called – bestfriends.  Can you dig that?!