W-hole HeartedLy

two of my all-time fave sweets.
 these came from my musketeer last January! (my boss)

If I have to choose between flowers and chocolates, uhhmm…of course, I will opt to have the chocolates, but the thing that makes my heart melt will always be flowers.

With the ever-popular occasion held last February 14, I can’t help but feel a little giddy.  Well, not because I am expecting anything to receive that day since, I am so sure, there’s none, but because of that feeling when you receive nothing and every girl you see or meet is either holding a bouquet or a long-stemmed rose or just with a partner walking holding hands.  Yes, that was the feeling I am anticipating that day.

this bouquet of roses came from my boss, too.
since the flower shop delivered the day after v-day,
they gave an extra one! lucky me!

See, I’ve never really prepared anything on Valentine’s Day, except for some program in the office wherein I have to do it yearly, like putting the pouches or envelopes for the whole population in our division and give chance to those unspoken feelings of my fellow colleagues and put notes or sweet nothings intended for their special someone. 

here's my signature icon

Well, that morning of Heart’s Day, I felt this urgency to give a piece of myself, that’s why I gathered some materials and utilized my ‘artistic’ side to prepare something for my beloved friends. Hehe!  Since I have a box of ferrero chocolates at home, I brought it at work and do some ‘packaging’ for my friends.

the date I shared a small part of me
to my friends

I wrote a personal note in each piece with a match of ‘rock’ which I really wanted to give ages ago and hand each piece to my friends.  Because I became busy with work and pre-occupied with everything, those rocks were just kept inside my pedestal cabinet (yes, those were there for about 3 or 4 years now).


Since February 14 is a good date, I thought that was the best time to give those mementos and make them feel special.

yes, these gold-coated chocolates
are for my friends!

While I was distributing the souvenirs, I can’t help but get teary-eyed.  My heart was crying for it was a part of me I was giving.  I can’t thank them enough and show how grateful I am for being a part of their lives.

the finished product! :)

Lots of things flash backed to me.  I remember vividly, how each of them gave their time to hear my stories, how lost I was in this world, how helpless I felt in the process of letting go and gradually accepting things in stride.  See, I’ve always been an optimistic person, but when life hits you on how it could be that cruel, you lose a part of yourself.

Your beliefs are tested and your trust in the goodness of mankind and on how good natured a person can be, it will all go down the drain and suck you until you can’t stand and hold on to nothingness and everywhere you look, the only thing you see is yourself that you want to scream but you can’t because you think it’s useless--pointless.

with my FAB CORE: Kate, Myurkee, Annie & Myk

Until such time, you can’t do anything but just give in so you could tell yourself that after all these blizzards of emotions swirling around you, everything will be over and everything will be better.  And you will learn to position yourself again and walk bolder steps, restart or detour your life.  And you wanted it badly to happen all at once, but as what my Best Virgs told me, let time works it magic.

My Best Virgs!

With that last paragraph, if you will ask me if I felt those storms of sentiments, YES… I felt that.  I’ve been through that.  At first, it was never easy.  I really didn’t think about it first, that I shut down myself from the world.  I couldn’t believe it too, it was surreal.  Well, just for you to have a clearer picture of what I am writing here, imagine those things you’ve been doing everyday for the past months (I really couldn’t recall how long it was, if I will compute the months or the years, instead) and you’ve been doing the things with your so-called best friends whom you really trusted a lot.  The person you always want to share the things with first, tell your secrets, how your life has been going everyday with your family, other friends, work, love life, your crushes, plans, future, name it…as in like name it, everything under the sun, under the moon, above the sea, highest floor of the building, under the tree, across the bridge, inside the car, inside the plane, whew, I can’t elaborate it more.

Our Black Mojito Night held last January
with Jobelle & Miggy's place - AWESOME!!!

my new discovery! belgian chips
from Amiga Mel & Papa Brian
these became my comfort food last January

For sure anyone who is reading this would know what I am trying to establish here.  With those given scenarios, in an instant, they were all gone.  Or let’s say, on my part, there’s no reason (as of this writing) that I could go back to that kind of set-up.  You will be left with oblivion.  That nothingness that succumbs to your core that it hurts big time that you thought was endless. 

I’ve been in that state for several weeks, so imagine how a normal person has to deal with that every day in everything that you do and everywhere that you look around, you see yourself hurting…it was immeasurable.  As they say, healing is a process and I couldn’t agree more.  So, with each phase of healing I wanted to embrace it, fiber by fiber until it strengthens my core again.  Sounds complicated, but if I could just describe figuratively what the feeling was, you will be surprised.  It’s like picking up the pieces of you from different places of diverse instances, circumstances in complex multitudes of yourself through other individuals (like your friends) and through spiritual relationship with your God.  You have no other way but to talk to Him and let it all out.  It is so relieving like a breath of fresh air and alights a ton in your heart--- awe-inspiring!

with my college barkada--SapukLot. from left: Mia, Pichie, Abi, Cha, Ting and Arlene;
we had a get-together last January for the 1st birthday of Ting's daughter (my inaanak).  

Whew!  This is actually the first time that I am describing what I have been like for the past six weeks or so, through writing.  As much as I want to detail every thread of emotion I have or had, for sure every reader (if there is one) of this post will close this window right at this moment.  So, I won’t do that, okay?  Let me just stop in this paragraph, right at this sentence.  Period.

dinner with 'Peaches' sometime in January
from left: Carol, Tey & Agnes

another meet-up dinner with 'Peaches'
and this time with Joanna (middle),
my first bestfriend ever!

You may ask why and what is the sense of me telling all these relating the celebration of Heart’s Day?  Simply because, if not for the friends I have right now in my life, whom I’ve been talking to most of those pitiful moments, my heart won’t be whole again.  That soul-destroying state wherein I couldn’t barely talk nor utter a word because of that heart-wrenching status of myself, that in any second, I could just feel the tears hurrying to meet my cheeks.  I was dying.  Imagine that, I was dying every single day.

That is the reason why I gave those keepsakes to my FAB friends.  To remind them how thankful I am to have them in my life.  I could say, I survived all those kinds of aches--emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, because of THEM.  They made me feel that what is important right now is the love they are sharing with me, the love they are giving to me unconditionally.  They are big components why my heart is gradually in the process of being whole again. 

Every day, they assure me that I have a hand to hold, actually, hands that are willing to give me a grip if I feel like giving up each time I strive and stand; literally, their shoulders to support me when I just want to rest from the crying and sobbing each time I remember how stupid I was.  The moral support they emanate naturally, they are so generous when it comes to that. See, they will always tell me the right words to say.  I mean, they are honest enough to tell it straight to my face that it’s enough.  They are straightforward when it comes to the real thing and I sincerely appreciate it.  I guess, that’s how friendship our works and it should always come with honesty.

At the end of these all, if not for my friends (yes, ALL of them who came, left and stayed in my life), I won’t be writing a pathetic story right now.  As I always say, you should always go back to your core.  This core I am pertaining to is that spot in your heart where basic things matter; love for your family, friends and God.  When all these 'basics' mixed in you, it is easier to love yourself more.  When you are surrounded by the people who loves you, there's no reason why you can't love yourself more.  Believe Me!  It is soooo DAMN TRUE!  God works unexpectedly that He paved way for my recovery--that is to be with the right people this time.

Let me end this by an article I've read recently and with my recent life-changing experience, I was speechless after reading it. Here's to acknowledge the author and his good words Ryan O' Connell!

Breaking Up With A Friend Is Harder Than Breaking Up With A Significant Other

You expect someone to break your heart. It’s understood that the person you love might one day wake up and decide they don’t love you anymore. It’s painful, yes, and you will feel like dying and you will feel like crying all of the tears but it’s a fact of life. It’s almost necessary. If you haven’t had your heart broken yet, it’s like you don’t know all there is to know yet. BRING ON THE HEARTBREAK, BABY. I want to understand.

Something you don’t expect, though, is a very important and valuable friendship coming to an end. I mean, on a basic level, you get that friendships fade and people outgrow each other but it’s sort of like getting in a drunk driving accident or having someone close to you die: it’s something you hear about all the time but you never expect it to happen to you.

This is the reason why the dissolution of a friendship can often be harder than the dissolution of a romantic relationship. In a way, it just feels more personal. Like a betrayal. People fall out of love with each other for a variety of reasons, many of which often have nothing to do with you. We know our hearts are fickle. We know that what we want today may be different than from what we want tomorrow. Best friends, however, are supposed to be the loophole. Jobs, boyfriends: those can be temporary, but best friendships are expected to transcend all of that. In a time of constant change, they’re there to remind you of the familiar.

I’ve gone through a breakup where I lost my fucking mind and did all of the crazy things you’re not supposed to do but can’t control anyway. It was awful and I thought I would never feel normal again, even though people said I would, and they eventually were right. I did feel normal again and now I can’t even access a sliver of the pain I once felt, even if I try real hard.

But a few years ago, I had a falling out with my very best friend, my number one, my life partner, and that’s pain that I can still readily access. That’s pain that never went completely away. Because I still think sometimes, “You should be here with me. I should be able to call you with this news or send you this funny YouTube video. You weren’t supposed to go away. You were supposed to survive it all.”

I don’t know, I just never felt that way about an ex. I kind of always understood the risk involved with giving someone your heart. So, although devastating, I wasn’t exactly shocked to the core when things ended.

With the loss of best friends, part of me still feels shocked because it seems like such an attack on who I am. The idea that someone could no longer want to be in my life, even though we’ve never loved each other in a romantic way, hurts. Isn’t sex the reason why things become alive and then sometimes die? I thought platonic friendships were somehow immune to strife. This was stupid wishful thinking, on my part, and now I know that it is distinctly possible for someone to no longer like who you are as a person. They don’t care about what you look like naked or if you have a wandering eye or if you can bring them breakfast in bed. They just care about your brain and whether or not awesome things can come out of it. When the friendship is over, you get the message: I DON’T LIKE WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.

I understand that it’s more complicated than that. Like a relationship, friendships end for myriad reasons. Still, I can’t help but ignore the logic and feel the purest level of rejection.  <end>

..and to really END this, let me share to you the photos of me and my precious friends as evidences that I am really doing well and have started anew. Good Riddance!

taken last January 3, from left: Kate, Patty, Annie and Myurkee

taken last Janaury 4, my FAB O' Hana with Icy (holding the bottle)

taken last January 7 in celebration of Jeam's birthday (right) 
while we fetched  Mayleen (left) from The Fort.

one of the rare occasions where Mel (Amiga) and Papa Brian (middle) are present

a surprise limousine ride from Myurk's husband, Chris last Valentine's Day;
from left: Kate, Myurkee Gemma & Patty

we (the single girls) celebrated Heart's Day with the lovebirds: Chris & Myurkee

with our original boss, Ms. Bernie giving her a group hug for her last day!

FAB went to witness the Hot Air Balloon Festival 2013 in Clark, Pampanga.
We also welcomed Trina and Agnes as new members of  our group, FAB O' Hana!

one of my coffee talks with these four good souls: Myk, Helene, Jeam and Rodel.

after our movie date? of course, DINE & UNWIND!

one of OUR Laugh Out Loud (LOL) MOMENTS in PATIO

This is how our normal lunch goes everyday!

my SKYPE moment with BFFY Leroy!

my Limousine Ride with Goumie Kate!

with my current boss GCG who I fondly call, Musketeer! while she calls me 'Petite', oh, well...

this is my college friend-Gelo!  I call him "My Prince" from the book we read,
The Little Prince and he was my inspiration for the book review in college.
I miss reading that book. It was all about friendship, too!

these are my my B-Friends--my Beki-Friends! I always felt that I am one of them...a true-bloof beki! hahaha!!!

this is my former boss, JPD.  I call him "angel at my back" why, because he is!  
He will always tell the right words and I appreciate it a lot! He spoils me every time! Hehehe!
this pic was taken during my visit to him in Alabang last December of 2012.