I wasn't surprised that I will
miss you this much. Yeah, right!
Okay.
Like, every day we talk,
except weekends because that’s our break, so I won’t be too attached on
you. See, that’s what I thought.
Remember when one of my
closest friends was on leave for a week and I told you, after three days of not
seeing her, I realized that I miss her.
But as you’ve mentioned before, that as a person, you would always want and
strive to be the BEST, and I was kind ‘a laughing at the thought of, hey, you achieved it again and you set a new
record! Because, half of the first
day that you’re not around, without your voice, your presence, it was all so different
that day—it was really odd. Well, admittedly, it felt a little weird not to have that morning chit chats with you--those
irritating conversation and hopeless jokes I share with you that it’s
me who ends up laughing.
I am missing your company---my security blanket, my torch of hope. My improvised light at the end of the tunnel
so I can see my way out each time I have attacks of lunacy. Hahaha!
I miss you and I can’t tell it
to you without a smile on my face. I
hate it coz I want to be serious when I talk to you, but I just can’t control
my facial expressions because I’ve always been real to you, my dear
friend. Remember when I told you that I
want this friendship to work out, GUESS WHAT?! --it’s TRUE. That’s why I am like this. I can’t be all
out to our friendship, I have to limit myself and put a barrier because I lost
my closest male friends along the way and just ended hating myself, blaming myself. I can still remember how those relationships crushed me and made a huge impact in my being. So, this time, I am just
enjoying this feeling of having a buddy, a conscience, an emergency light in my dark or not-so-dark days or when I just feel like talking and doesn't care if
you will listen or not. Thank you for
the ability (for at least trying) to manage all my neurosis.
Maybe to some this is weird,
but for me, I am enjoying the days with you, which are so far the best in this stage or phase in my life that I
know won’t last forever. Like what you
always tell me, there’s no such thing as forever, so I don’t want to assume
that our friendship will be forever because for sure it isn’t and it won’t
happen. Well, I am a hopeful person, anyway, so I still hope we'll last until we're fed up! Hahaha! I realized what you’ve said when
I got home one night and re-assess the group of friends I have at
present. And yes, you could really say
that forever is baloney. But, maybe I just
have my own version of ‘forever’ or maybe because I am just aiming to achieve that forever with my chosen friends, or maybe because as you've mentioned not too long ago that I am too idealistic and well, for a lunatic like me, forever is more than just a word for me it's way beyond reality, or well, maybe you're right all along, but who knows, right? I don’t want to argue on that anymore.
I have apprehensions too. See, for an emotional person like
me who always sees the best and worst in every situation and person, I have fears that I
might be losing you in the end. But, I
am gradually accepting the fact that you’re the kind of person who won’t be
there for me in the long run. (God forbid!) That, what
if my dose of medicine will soon be a poison to me? I have that kind of trepidation as early as
now.
 | ||
| Beast bought 3-pancakes for me celebrating our 'Friendship Day' and it was our fifth month as Official Friends! Thank You, Lord! |
Each time we have arguments, or let me rephrase that, each time I have tantrums or okay, I'll rephrase it again, each time I have attacks of immaturity, I always have this mental picture, a
scene wherein you have to go and that I have no choice because we really have
to part ways. How I wish that was just a
mere trick in my brain so that I won’t be that sad when that moment becomes a
reality. (Actually, I am afraid that I might lose you as a friend as early as now. Gosh, you know that I can't blame you, right?!)
For now, I am enjoying this I miss my Beast already! feeling because
I am quite sure that it will always be a roller coaster sort of ride in this journey we have as
friends. A simple Thank You is not enough, that’s
why every day I am grateful to have known you or at least took a glimpse of
what’s in you and who you are as a person.
Let me end this by quoting a
Hollywood actress when she received an award in behalf of her good friend, the famous
Woody Allen. “Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other is gold.
The circle is round, it has no end.
That’s how long you’re going to be my friend."
Thank you, Beast!
Tidbits:
Just in case you read this, please give me a hint! Hahaha! I actually have tons of words to write about you, but let's consider this as the first one of sooo many drafts to come... ohhhwwwkaaay?!??!
No comments:
Post a Comment